pills, not actually mine
Dear Sir or Madam (though I think it’s fair to assume Madam as the pharmacy assumed you were me),
Though I find it baffling that someone would choose to steal my generic prescription for a low-dose anti-depressant, and though I truly hope that this was some kind of mix-up, I have to say thank you. I wasn’t feeling relevant today, but thanks to your thievery, I know that somewhere and to some weirdo, I matter. Or, at least, my generic prescription for a low-dose anti-depressant does. Also, the pharmacy gave it to me for free… so you saved me all of $9.99.
But some questions for you…
Couldn’t you have gone for a real drug? Mine doesn’t do much and won’t even take effect until 2 weeks from now (if you’re lucky). And by then, by the time you’re feeling better, the dose will run out and you’ll have all the terrible withdrawl symptoms that mimic severe panic disorder and menopause. Will you wonder why you didn’t hold out for something fancy or at least that could have gotten you high when you’re sweating and shaking and feeling disconnected to your own body? Please! Let me know!
Also, how did you know the scrip was even at the pharmacy? As I’m tapering my dosage down, I call it in with very little regularity. In fact, if it wasn’t for today’s horrible headache (yes, you can look forward to that too), I would have totally forgotten I had anything to pick up… yet YOU remembered for me. And you shelled out $10.
How did you know my address? (By the way, thanks for inspiring me to find a new apartment… maybe in Silverlake or a nicer part of Los Feliz. I was dragging my heels on getting a new place, but this might be the reason I get me out of the house. Literally.)
Are you part of the Armenian mafia? (I only ask because I don’t have many enemies in Los Angeles, but there are a handful of women on my street that find my dog terrifying… And I’m pretty sure they’re all packing and/or are affiliated with serious troublemakers.)
Are you not aware that better and cheaper medications are available over-the-counter? For your next “adventure,” I would highly recommend Benadryl, alcohol or anything used in making meth.
And finally, as you seem to be so attuned to my life and habits – possibly moreso than me – could you please respond with at least one answer to my bevy of questions as it seems quite likely that you read my blog.
Love,
Lizz
